About me

Hi. My name is Jennie. I live in Glasgow with my husband and our dog.

My husband and I have been trying for a baby since January 2016 and it hasn’t been at all how I expected it would be.

After decades of living with an anxiety disorder that I could never quite get under control, and subsequent bouts of depression, my thirties brought the stability I’ve always longed for and for the most part I keep my symptoms under control through routine and exercise. I started out on our mission to procreation feeling good and in control.

But and this feels like a big but…coming off the pill after sixteen years sent me into a hormonal fuelled anxiety spiral that I am only now really coming out of, but the first six months were the hardest.

When we started trying I started looking for other people talking about trying to conceive. But all I could find was TTC chat rooms and forums, that I’m sure are helpful and supportive for some but for me just fuelled my obsessive thoughts. So many people are starting to talk about mental health, miscarriage and IVF treatments, their bravery is really inspiring. But I couldn’t find very much about how to cope and how it feels when your trying and nothing happens. It’s isolating and sometimes I feel very alone.

No one seems to talk about when they start trying, it feels like a total taboo, like it’s bad luck or you might jinx your chances if you talk about it openly. But I now know how common it is for couples to have issues or for things just to take longer than they had planned. So I thought I would try being brave for once in the hope that other women/couples going through the same thing would feel less alone. It might be good to have someone talking about TTC while they were going through it.

And so this is my honest, often metal, account of trying to make a baby.